As you blacken my name

People get really aggressive when you're trying to convince them that they're doing wrong. Once I got the chance to talk in peace with someone, but that never happened again and will never happen. The thing, which keeps us going is the mission - making our friends, anyone from our world think that we are "the" better. You can disagree, but the person can not see itself like the one, who is looking at it with distance. Everyone has that little part hidden inside, it's a poison. You always want to speak first. Aren't you thinking about doing it better, when  you see someone, who isn't bearing with something well? You're a girl and you are looking at other girls faces. What are you doing? Didn't you just think that your nose is smaller? I know all those things, because I'm like that. Someone called me a sociopath, but I won't explain why now.

I was envy green when I saw you doing better without me, because I couldn't behave like you. That piece of my heart,which was taken and treated without any respectful feelings, was no longer mine. I was left lonely with the missing part and I still can't handle it.

Whatever happened to you?

Despite the fact, that I'm very young, I have made some decisions, which changed my life. I've met those bad people, I've met those, who will always own a little piece of my heart and those, who seemed to be one of the most important in my life, but as soon as a trouble appeared, they were taking the other side and and simply spitted at me with pride and a little cheeky smile. 

To forgive someone is like to run in flames, dance for a while, then go home and put a little plaster on a cut, that you got when you were chopping the tomatoes week ago. Surrealistic vision of letting the folks get closer to everything you hide in that so-called body, head, brain, occiput and maybe soul, is frightening for me. My disadvantage is that I'm such naive. I get hurt and anything I said, is being use against me. I'm convinced, that perhaps writing about that could help me in realizing what should I change in myself and in the way I behave.

The changing is written in humans' nature, depends on many things, but mostly the age. I suppose, there is many levels of the life I have to reach and they can modify every little thing around me. My advice is to shut the fuck up sometimes and think, how annoying you can be to the people who care about you. 

We were sitting in silence, then I said..."Whatever happened to you?". There was emptiness between the whole, which we had. I didn't get the response, so I was confused, then I heard the sound of slamming door and now I know I was wrong. 

Tindersticks - Chocolate

The Formal Confusing Beginning

It doesn't matter how you do it, the thing is to do it.

I will never get close to the vision of myself, which I created through years of being in my imaginary world. We see what we want to see. It is so simple, isn't it. It is so obvious, but how hard is to realize why we are who we are? What is like to fall in a deep hole and then get up and stand so stably, even for a minute? I will never know, because I have that... something. Whether it's good or made me feel like there's no truth?

She had done many things, but never anything, which was inappropriate or barely acceptable. She's weird, I guess, but I like to be a friends with her. It makes me feel, that I'm extremely normal.

Maybe I'm using bad words, bad constructions and I'm a bad person.

Who cares?

Salvador Dali El Barco

I care...